A Writer's Bad Day

Hello, readers.

I am writing to you from the evening of Friday, October the 12th--and now that I think about it, that's one day after the birthday of those twins in the 1998 version of The Parent Trap. Of course, that doesn't have anything to do with anything. Well, maybe a little. On birthdays, people are usually celebrating. Today, right now at least, I'm kind of sad.

In case you haven't read my blog posts here at all--which is a very strong possibility--you might have noticed that I do not write in a sad manner. I like comedy. Heck, one of my posts was basically a prescription on the benefits of writing pure nonsense. Those kinds of posts are fun to write. They're a good, honest kind of fun for me. But today I'm introducing you to the flip side of my honesty, the side that's not so fun.

If you are a writer too, you've probably felt what I'm feeling a lot. You might be going through it yourself. If you're not a writer, there's still a chance you'll know what I'm talking about.

You know...the feeling of hopelessness.

Might as well write about it as long as I'm in the middle of it.

Today, the last of my submissions for my manuscript, my dream project that I have spent--and am still spending--most of my time upon, the last of its potential open avenues to publication fell through. As I am writing this, my project is not submitted anywhere. Nobody wanted it. I began writing my manuscript over five years ago and shamelessly fell in love with it. I love it so much that I can't bear the smallest imperfection with it, and so I've polished it obsessively from day one. Now I'm sitting in my apartment's "office", contemplating the fact that it's likely still crap.

There are a lot of things I can blame. A low social media following, for example. My Twitter stalkers, for example, creep upward by the day, but at their current rate they will not hit agent-attractive levels until I am an old man (old-er man; I feel like 60 right now). Don't get me started on Facebook. Don't get me started on this blog. My platforms have had their flash-in-the-pan moments, but nothing that seems to have stuck with anyone.

Even with the blame cushion of low followers, I still can only blame myself.

And here I am. No leads, no contacts, just a file sitting on my laptop. It's my first child really, and it's like I've been trying to get him in those programs that will make him most-likely-to-succeed. Now the scores from the tests have come back, and I've got to tell my project that he is not a child prodigy.

He might not even be that special.

By extension, maybe I'm nothing special either.

But...

(This might not take long to read, dear reader, but it is taking me a while to write. Let's just say I'm having a hard time seeing my computer screen.)

But...

I'm not done yet. It would be nice if I could quit, but I won't. I can't. It's a weird state I'm in, really. I don't care about me. I don't care if forgetting about my manuscript is an easier path. I put so much into making that little guy grow up. I've done my best to amend his faults, and Lord knows there have been a lot of those. Whenever I take him out to play, man, I notice something new every time, something I've never thought about before. Something that could be special. Maybe someone else will see that someday. My project has grown beyond me. Instead of it being a world I have created, it is a world where I step inside and play, and it has been so much fun I'd die if I could get you to join me.

Please, dear reader, if you've had moments where you are where I am, and all my depressing drivel here is but an echo to you, please, don't give up your project. If you can't hold on for your own sake, then do it for mine. It's people like you, holding on to your dreams, that give me strength to carry on with mine. Maybe if enough crazy people are scrambling to find an exit out of the mundane chamber, maybe one of us will find it, and if we stick together maybe we'll both get through. Pray for me, and I'll pray for you. I could use strength, with a little hope if it can be spared.

Anyway...have a good rest of your month, dear reader. I should be back in November. Maybe I'll be reviewing a new YA sci-fi book I've been reading; it's called Sanctuary by Caryn Lix, and it's so far, so good. I'm up to Chapter 21 right now, and things look pretty bleak for our heroes at this point. I think there's a chance it could turn out OK for them, though.

Is it any wonder I love stories so much...