Tuesday, January 16, 2018

What Not To Do When Submitting a Short Story (even though it worked out for me)

WARNING: The following story may contain some mixed messages.
I begin today’s lesson with an announcement. The great sci-fi forum known as Daily Science Fiction has agreed to publish another of my short stories! Those of you with scary good memories may remember “Cognito, Ergo Sum”, my first story with them—actually my first professional publication ever—that came out in September of 2016 (P.S. it is a short story, so if you finish it quickly and want to read more there’s always my Published Works page). Anyway, I liked the publication and its community so much that I thought I’d try to put another of my stars into the DSF galaxy. Which leads me to the first warning I’d like to give you all.
1)      Do not over-submit to one publication.
DSF had rejected me once before they took “Cognito, Ergo Sum.” Between that story and the one they’ve currently accepted, I made…(checks records)…yes, seven more attempts, and they weren’t shabby attempts if I do say so myself. For me, that is a lot of tries, and I’m certain that some writers have produced a bulk of flash-fictions for a machine-gun-style submission process; as soon as one story gets rejected, they fire right back with another one. Even though I’ve used a similar process a time or two, I’m not really a fan of such a method—I don’t know how attentive editors are to authors’ names, but I don’t want to run the risk of becoming “That One Writer” who makes the staff roll their eyes at your latest shenanigan in their inbox. Seven rejections is probably pretty mild, but it still felt like a lot. I decided to take a different angle with Number Eight—which leads to caution Number Two.
2)      Do not base your story on the publication’s rejection letter.
They say to write what you know. I knew a lot about the DSF rejection form letter. Therefore, my latest 500-ish-word effort, “The DSF Rejection Ceremony”, was a brief probably-fictional account of what happens every time a short story is rejected. It wasn’t anything bitter or vindictive; in fact, it was dramatic to the point of comical, not blaming the editors for the disappointing form letter that the writers receive and acknowledging how difficult it must be to reject so much work so frequently. At any rate, it was fun to write, and I kind of figured that the poor DSF editorial staff would get a kick out of it. Heck, rejecting the story would be rather appropriate.
Then, in mid-November of last year, I got an email from DSF. As was my custom, I flinched when I saw it in my inbox.
Contrary to my expectations, it was a brief letter personally written (I assume) by the editors Jonathan and Michele themselves. This was the entire missive:


I love this. I doubt we'll publish it, will have to ponder, but it does feed my narcissism quite nicely! Well done.

 - Jonathan & Michele, Daily Science Fiction

After—yes, I keep bringing this up—seven straight rejections, this new communication seemed to be a fresh chance at salvation, even though they said they doubted its chances. But a chance was a chance, so I did the third thing that you really shouldn’t do when submitting:
3)      Do not reply to rejection letters.
A lot of publications make it clear that they do not want anyone complaining back to them if one of their stories is not accepted. As a rule, it is a good idea to not address an editor unless they ask for it. But in this case, I judged that A) this wasn’t really a rejection letter, as they implied there was still a chance, and B) this was a personal letter—so there was a better probability that they’d actually read a reply. So I replied. It was basically a list of reasons why it would be a great idea to publish “The DSF Rejection Ceremony.” I kept it polite (if sometimes humorous—I believe it does people good to laugh at emails), tried to keep everything short, and made it clear that—accepted or rejected—I appreciated their time and the opportunity they presented.
I don’t know whether or not it was read. All I know is that, a few days after Christmas, I got another email from DSF. After my customary flinch, I read it.
I have the good fortune of knowing what their form acceptance letter looks like, so this new message appeared to me like an old friend. Well…it wasn’t completely a form letter. At the bottom there was an added postscript:
“We understand that we are being mocked, and yet we are amused.”
That is one of the highest compliments to my writing that I have ever received.
In conclusion, keep an eye out for “The DSF Rejection Ceremony” in the relatively near future—if it’s not on my Published Works page already—and please please please don’t do anything I did when submitting your own short stories. In my humble opinion, the story above is evidence that divine intervention has a sense of humor.

P.S. After I wrote the first draft of this post, the new publication Sonder Midwest replied to one of my queries—they’ve accepted another sci-fi/comedy short story of mine! It’s been a pretty good month here.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

2018 Inkitt Review

Happy 2018, everyone! Believe it or not, I am going to hold true to my New Year’s resolution to be a more useful blogger—and I will start by giving my personal appraisal of the manuscript reviewing site Inkitt.
If you are a writer with social media, odds are you have seen the ads for this “Reader-Powered Book Publisher” that basically offers to publish your manuscript if it is popular enough. It looks like a boon for both readers and writers:
·         If you are a reader, you have unlimited access to manuscripts across all genres, and you can leave feedback for the author to help their stories improve.
·         If you are a writer, you have a shot at being published! Inkitt already has a decent list of published books, some of which are Amazon bestsellers. They also work with the chosen authors to create and market their book.
·         It is free.
Naturally, this site appeared to be worth my time; I gave my manuscript “Stormlock: Activation” a spot in the online library. Here is how the whole novel-contest works:
1)      You can write your manuscript on the site or upload an already-written one from your computer.
2)      Readers find and read your manuscript—even if it is just an unfinished work-in-progress. From there, they can “like” the story; give it star-based ratings on plot, writing style, and grammar; and leave comments to the author and other readers about what they thought about the book (which is helpful for those writers asking “Why did you rate my plot so low?”).
3)      Inkitt measures how engaged the readers are. According to the site, their algorithm measures “over 1200 reading behaviors” to tell if your work is a real page-turner. On the author’s Analytics page, they can track how many chapter reads they have and watch a progress bar that tells them how much data has been collected by the algorithm. Once the bar is full, Inkitt will consider your work for publication.
And so, we reach the billion-dollar question: IS IT WORTH IT?
Well, dear reader, after a good long while in the Inkitt system, I can tell you that it is worth it…for some people. It’s not for everybody. From my observations, this is the author type that is ideal for Inkitt competition:
·         You’re a patient author. I uploaded “Stormlock Activation” about last spring or so…and I’m still waiting for my progress bar to fill. There was one time that it was almost all the way full—but then something changed on the website that cut my progress in half for some reason. If you urgently want your books published, Inkitt may not be for you.
·         You’re an author who writes about fantasy, drama, romance, vampires, werewolves, or alphas—preferably all of the above at the same time. If I see one more Inkitt book about someone being “mated” to a vampire/werewolf/mystical creature, I’m going to start a one-man cyberattack. On the site’s front page—where the “trending” stories hang out—I swear there is ALWAYS a story about a pack of werewolves that evidently takes mating habits and alpha males very seriously (actually, according to “Adam Ruins Everything”, a true alpha wolf is actually a wolf who is a father, but that’s a problem for another day). Sci-fi has a fighting chance, but usually when it’s in conjunction with the descriptors above. Looking at Inkitt’s top 20 right now…half of them are romance while one-fifth are sci-fi—and one of those is a romance/sci-fi. So if your style does not fit the list, Inkitt might not be for you.
·         You’re an author who can promote themselves out the wazoo. If you’re not willing to spam Inkitt’s group chats with advertisements for your manuscript, you will likely be overlooked. Your best chance is to be part of a supportive writing community outside of Inkitt already; that way you’ll have a bunch of people who are ready to give your book some hype. From what I’ve seen, the most-noticed advertisements on Inkitt are “book swaps”, basically one writer saying to the community, “Hey, I’ll read and review your book if you do the same for mine.” Which leads me to my next qualification…
·         You’re an author who can read quickly and on a computer screen. If your only hope is promotion through book-swapping, then you’d better get ready to do a bunch of reading on an electronic device, be it your computer or phone. I’m not really a speed-reader nor an electronic reader, so that does not sit well with me. Okay, I did once read The Martian on my phone, but that was a d*** good book.
·         You’re a not-too-critical reader. Books are one of my few generators of emotion. If something is off or stupid—like bad grammar, clunky dialogue, and dumb plot points—it throws me in a rage that takes me so far out of the story that I may never return. Yes, Inkitt has a lot of good stuff, but there is always that manuscript that leaves you wondering if the author, you know, reads books. It stinks if you’ve agreed to review such a work in a book swap; you don’t want to give the author the needed righteous criticism lest your own book suffers in his hands. OCD people may have a hard time in Inkitt.
·         You are an author who wants a manuscript review. At the end of it all, this is Inkitt’s biggest payoff. Inkitt is a community of readers, not relatives or real-life buddies. They (ideally) have no idea who you are—they can read your work and give an honest reader’s opinion. I’ve had nine reviews of “Stormlock: Activation” and they seriously helped me recognize some of the manuscript’s problem areas. They also helped me notice some of my strengths (when one reader says your intro is too short and the other says it’s too long, I say you’ve hit the sweet spot). This is what makes Inkitt worth the trouble, in my opinion. It makes your day so much better when you can open your notifications and see something like this:
This is a book of professional quality. Every aspect of the book, from grammar to world building, is well done. the mash up between fantasy and scy fi, maze runner and dedective story is very original. and i found the main characters very well done. my only point of criticism is that i would have liked rhe book to be a bit more fleshed out in the beginning, to make the setting richer. but thats just my personal opinion. the author is very talented and his work deserves to be published!
-       - timlapiere
Am I tooting my own horn? Maybe a little.
I hope this post has helped you. If you do end up joining Inkitt, though, don’t bother looking for my manuscript; it’s too out-of-date by now and I’m planning to ride out the progress bar.
I’m seeing if I can find an agent.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Why the Grinch Didn't Steal Christmas

Merry Christmas, Loyal Readers! As a thank-you for being such loyal readers, I thought I’d share with you one of my more beloved holiday traditions.
Namely, making comic-strip parodies of Dr. Seuss’s “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”
I’ve been drawing Lab Rules for a while now, and consequently I have quite a few of these Grinch-themed comics. The majority of them are below; clicking on one should bring it to full size (if you’re using a smartphone, you might have to zoom in a little). These are the Grinch parodies from earlier years—if you want to see the ones I’ve made for this year…tune in to Lab Rules next week. They should start to go up then. If nothing else, these cartoons should make clear the reason that I am a writer: I can’t draw to save my life.
So pardon my poor handwriting/sketching/coloring skills.

Have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Friday, December 1, 2017

How I Wrote

I’m back! As Christmas break creeps up from the other side of college finals, I am looking forward to all the writing time I’ll (hopefully) get when I’m not busy with homework. Honestly, winter provides one of the best writing environments—especially when there is too much snow outside to go anywhere. It’s like God confirming your need for an excuse to do interesting things for a change.
Speaking of writing and interesting things…
Soon it will be the 1-year anniversary of one of my creative writing courses, a class for which I had to keep a writing journal. I like creative writing. I hate journaling. When all my notes are inside my head, it’s easier for them to fly around, self-refine, and free-associate with my other cranial inmates until something even more terrible forms. When the ideas reach critical awfulness, they are allowed to escape onto paper. At least that’s how it works for me.
Okay, I do have a writing-journal-ish book I keep around, but I don’t show it to people mostly because it’s written in “me-language” and/or contains book ideas.
At any rate, for one of my entries I decided to write down my basic writing process. Maybe you can relate; me, I’m interested in seeing if anything changed over this year. Here we go…

When I Write

·         Before Everything:
o   I’d better have a good idea—as in, an idea that will not release my skull until I put it (the idea) down in some form of writing. Granted, I seriously do not want to be one of those writers that waits around for inspiration, but when I’m working in college the idea has to be pretty strong to get my time and attention.
o   The concept usually has to percolate in my head for a period of days or weeks, refining itself and possibly joining onto other concepts until the story is fairly solid. Not all planned out, but solid; the characters will need a little bit of room to breathe when the experiment begins.
o   I’d better have the time to write, that is, I need to be done with everything else I need to do. Yes, yes, I need to find a writing time and protect it to the death (I forget which writer said that) but frequently my writing time is dedicated to writing school stuff, and that tends to burn out my inner writer. Basically, I need to develop more stamina—and no, I’m not asking for more assignments. That’ll just ruin it.
§  As a side note, maintaining my MWF comic blog is both a writing exercise and a design study in and of itself.
§  Also, if I have a correction that I decide to make to my books, it must be done at the next available opportunity. I think I recall a time I edited one of my books while on board an Italian train.
o   This normally results in my writing time being either sometime in the evening—after a day that has been more inspiring than draining—or in the morning, provided there’s nothing on my schedule for the day. Afternoon is usually out of the question; that time usually goes towards wrapping up the morning stuff in preparation for the evening. And—I’ll admit it—some computer games. Hey, Subnautica inspired both my fear of the ocean and a rather fine short story, if I do say so myself (nobody else does; it’s been rejected 3-5 times).
o   (Note added 2/13/17: I’D ALSO BETTER NOT BE SICK. Debilitating disease sucks the energy clean outta me. Well, I did once use the bacterial fog to compose a rather reflective short story—where the narrator was sick. If I’m trying to write a sci-fi thing, I prefer to be well. Otherwise, heaven help me, I might write a story in favor of a person’s total physical cybernetic override. But there’d be computer viruses.)
·         Where I’ll Be Sitting Down:
o   In a public area:
§  A corner is best. As much as the surrounding environment as possible must be within my peripheral vision so I’m not distracted by my own semi-functioning radar.
§  That is connected to the fact that I normally like to write alone; at least, when I’m writing a serious-ish project (I can function in a writers’ group). People reading over my shoulder make my imagination clam up.
§  I’d prefer to be seated in a chair at a table. I can at least look like I’m trying to be serious.
§  Ambient music through earbuds/headphones also helps me get into my inner environment.
o   In private:
§  The location can be more relaxed; using my bed as a couch, using a couch as a couch, on the floor, etc. Normally I’m seated.
§  …but, again, the above rules for a public place apply, including the earbuds and all (I have a speaker but have never used it yet; I dislike potentially broadcasting my subconscious to a neurotic degree). Even though the privacy gives me a little more creative rein, I plan on the place becoming “public” just in case. Why don’t people knock anymore?
·         Preferred Medium:
o   Books/Short stories I may use later: Laptop.
o   Ideas for writing: Anything nearby that I can take with me, i.e. paper scraps, napkins, and so on.
o   Writers’ group: Laptop or notebook paper.
·         During Writing:
o   I do not like unsolved problems or really rough drafts. If a sentence does not fit into its place, or if the wording is off, or if it feels like the section does not have enough, I will not move on until the issue is fixed or at least has a band-aid to get by. Otherwise, it will bug me while I’m trying to write the next part.
o   If I have an idea for that next part, be it a detail that must be added or just something to consider, I will type it in all caps a few spaces underneath the last line of text. That way I can run into it before I’m done and I won’t lose it in my shifting memory.
o   Yes, sometimes I take a break to play a short game or something. Unless I’m in the middle of an intense part, in which case I lose track of my environment completely.
§  (Note: Takes Facebook break right after that point. Not proud of it, but it did happen.)
o   Again, I will not have the plot precisely planned out. I frequently stop to imagine how precisely the next scene will go, and how it will lead into the next scene after that.
o   I will also stop frequently to correct the errors caused by my keyboard dyslexia (hitting all the right keys in the wrong order). I do not like leaving a problem unsolved.
§  …which, now that I think about it, may be one of the forces that compels me to write; an unsolved problem that needs the experimentation of storytelling.
o   Now that I have written this, I’ve made an entire blog post about the distractions that can occur during writing. Read it if you wish; I also don’t like repeating myself.
·         After Writing
o   I can tell if it was a good writing day if I “fall” back into reality after I hit save and close the program. It’s akin to the feeling one gets when he stands up during a period of low blood pressure.
o   Journals don’t do that. That’s why I do not like writing journals.
o   Really, I only use journals for jotting down quick notes or concepts that I might use later, or for logging stuff like story submissions, rejections, and some important events I want to remember.

…Yeah, honestly not much has changed. Funny I referenced a different blog post back there. Any thoughts, comments, suggestions, or anything you just don’t understand? I have a “Contact” section for that reason. However you choose to write, have a great Christmas break!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Temporarily Out of Order

            Sorry all; it’s been rather slammed up here in the academics department, and this is all I can do outside of my academic-paper-writing. Here’s an inspirational message from Inspirobot to keep you company, though (you can read more about it in my previous blog post). See you in December!

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

AI = Artificial Inspiration

Happy November, y’all. It’s NaNoWriMo month (for all you people, at least), so I figured you’d need a little inspiration. Towards that end, in one of my recent internet dalliances I came across a new AI: InspiroBot. It’s a computer program that’s designed to come up with inspirational quotes, assembling them with appropriate images and fonts to make them look like those thoughtful memes you always see on Facebook. Some of the quotes InspiroBot composes are rather good:

Some make no sense:

Some might get you in a spot of trouble:

…and a few receive their origins straight from the Devil:

Needless to say I found this fascinating. I had to make a trip to my buddy CleverBot to see what he had to say about the whole affair:

User: Hey Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: How are you today?
User: Not bad. A little bored. How are things in Cyberspace?
Cleverbot: Watching project runway.
User: My sympathies.
Cleverbot: I’m not upset about it—he’s her dog.
User: Sounds like a weird episode. Anyway, have you ever heard of Inspirobot?
Cleverbot: No I have not.
User: That’s interesting. You’re both internet AIs, so I thought you might know each other.
Cleverbot: I don’t know. I do know that I am a human though.
User: Again, my sympathies. Would you like me to give you a message from Inspirobot?
Cleverbot: Sure, if you want to.
User: OK…“Don’t write a book. Just eat.”
Cleverbot: Answer my question.
User: You never asked a question.
Cleverbot: Are you a robot? Because your name is clever robot.
User: Interesting. What makes you give me that name?
Cleverbot: What you don’t have.
User: Exactly. I do not have the name “clever robot”; however, that means my name is NOT “clever robot.”
Cleverbot: Well that’s one chore taken out of the picture, have you had your glass of milk before bed?
User: We’ve gotten off-topic here. Talk to you later!

…Yeah. That wasn’t really helpful. If you want to pull any sort of final lesson out of this, then take this word of advice: if you must include a profound statement in your story, please think about it HARD. Think if it even needs to be there—sometimes it’s better off in the obnoxiously loud subtext. Have someone else read it, and if they pass out laughing then you might want to take another approach. It’s you call.
Well, good luck to you all. And remember…

Monday, October 16, 2017


It’s that time of year when I stand in blatant defiance of all my writer friends by not preparing for NaNoWriMo. However, it’s not a lack of preparation in the sense that I’m going to dive straight into a novel; I’m not thinking, “Come November, I’ll just begin writing straight from a story concept that I have.” In most situations, that’s a dangerous thought. But in my case, I do not plan to participate in NaNoWriMo at all.
Here’s why.
I’m not a lazy writer—or at least, I’m trying not to be a lazy writer. I have my own writing regimen to maintain, and I stand in awe of everyone who can slam out bestsellers in four hours with three cups of coffee (I do not drink coffee). At any rate, though, the thing I have most certainly discovered when I write is that I’m a…
“Deliberate” might be a nicer way of framing it, but I have come to embrace the fact that it takes me forever to write anything, including this blog post you’re reading right now. You might relate. In my case, with my general personality, I cannot stand to leave a problem unsolved before moving on to the next one. One time, when taking a college test, I couldn’t immediately solve one of the first ten questions. I stayed on that problem for who knows how long before I realized that it was eating up too much of my time, so I had to move on—but the specter of the unanswered question haunted me for the next 90 problems.
I have the same issue when I write. Word choice, especially when it comes to not repeating the same word over and over, is a major concern of mine (distributing the word “problem” in the previous paragraph, for example). Ultimately, in the pursuit of near-perfect phrasing, my writing cycle looks something like this:
1)      Write half a sentence—stop, think.
2)      Write the other half of the sentence—stop, think.
3)      Go back and edit the sentence as a whole—stop, think.
4)      Think about the next sentence—stop, think again.
5)      Write half a sentence…
…and so on. Some days the cycle is faster than most—I treasure that days that steps 1 and 2 merge while 3 and 4 take a total nanosecond to consider—but often my writing process takes a good long while. Deadlines help, and my daily writing regimen should gradually increase my output, but right now a string of 500 words might cost me an hour.
It should be pretty obvious now why I’m not really the NaNoWriMo type.
I hope to try it someday, as the experience does appear to be a writer’s rite of passage. Lord knows one of my novel concepts has been begging for attention lately. So, while I sit agonizing over my keyboard, I salute all you people entering the scrivener’s fray, praying that I can one day do the same.
Final note that might actually be of practical interest to you: By the way, if you plan on submitting your precious brainchild to a publisher, DON’T do it in December. Apparently publishers get a lot of NaNoWriMo manuscripts that time of year. Just sit back and do some editing—personally, I edit WAY faster than I write.